Only you have the power to create your future. Only you have the power to destroy your future. Only you have the power to live this moment the way you want to. Only you can discover what about you is holding you back and when you've cleared that from yourself you can continue on your journey.
I have had the distinct pleasure while I am on holidays to make a difference to myself and to others. But let me focus on what I got so you too may have that in your life.
A few days ago I couldnt help but be angry with my son. Yes, my son whom I dont get to see as often as I would like to because he lives overseas and we have holiday time together. I kept getting angrier and more frustrated than ever before, and I havent been that way for a long time. So I sought out the only help available to me on that day, my husband and spoke to him about what I could do to really help the situations positively rather than getting angry. I got the ususal lecture, be calm, dont bite into it, walk away.
I reflected on what he said and kept thinking to myself okay what is the most obvious answer that I am avoiding. (I had recently read - actually that day- a book where the main character had over and over again asked herself the very question that I wans now asking. I had been doing all that he said but I had kept getting plugged in, when in a flash a thougth came to me; honey, I dont feel supported. Huh?!?
So I explored this new idea that flashed in my mind and lo and behold the answers came fast. I realised that as my son is my husband's stepson he defers to me when it comes to any matter of discipline even when our daughter is involved in the dispute and I am the one who is creating calm on the situation and being looked upon as the non-fun person because I chose to create harmony between the children but at the expense of my own time out which leaves me frustrated as I am then unable to have that time to focus on me.
The more we talked about it the more my husband saw that his behaviour of deferring and walking away was giving my son the message - it's okay for you to hurt your sister by me but dont do it in front of your mom. How many other children, boys and girls out there get the same message from their parents when only one parent is assigned the role of disciplining the children and the other walks away? What other messages are we giving to our children by doing this? And from this I realised that it wasnt just my responibility to be the one to discipline the children and to have my partner engage in that activity so that a balance is created. It is a two way street where one gives way to another.
Well, well, well, imagine my surprise when my son played out his role and my husband stepped in and told him distinctly that it was inappropriate behaviour and would result in privileges being taken away. He (my husband) was firm and very beleivable. Once more it happened (the waters were being tested) and yes, privileges were taken away and I got to do what I wanted to and have the peace and calm restored in my soul.
Since then I've barely had to say boo and there is no anger and no frustration, just love and the support is amazing - feedback from my husband - he feels more empowered in looking after the children then what he has before.
So all in all I have the power to create the change I'm looking for as do you. Ask yourself what it is that is most obvious that you're avoiding looking at.
